WOW this is a long but fun writing.
So far I like the following bits:
When my wife got hold of the sledge hammer, she found her capacity to manipulate objects had increased geometrically.
She got carried away when I wasn't looking and laid waste to a side of the garage that I had not intended to lose.
I had to forcibly take the instrument out of her hands before she knocked the foundation out from under the house.
They say power corrupts; believe it. Under normal circumstances, she is a level headed woman.
The depth required for a foundation varies in different parts of the country.
It ranges from a few feet in pleasant climates to several miles as you approach the Arctic circle.
Freezing ground in winter is the primary reason for this variance. Freezing and thawing causes heaving.
It is a well-known dictum that heaving is never good unless it is applied to women's breasts or shot puts.
No matter where you live, though, if you plan to expand your abode horizontally, you will be required to do some digging.
This skill is all well and good. However, a transit has more interesting and subtle uses.
It beats out many authentic surveillance devices for snooping on the neighbors.
You can set it up anywhere, even in the open and look as if you're doing something really important when,
in actuality, you are trying to get a peak through that slit in the curtains next to the shower in that house those nurses rent across the street and a little to the right.
When you climb into an overloaded pickup, you are likely to think that you are getting on board one of the Apollo space craft.
The back sits low to the ground, and the front points skyward. Unlike a spacecraft, your vehicle is not likely to be launched into space, or even leave the ground.
You only hope you can get the load home without scraping the transmission on a speed bump.
My wife helpfully gave a count down as we left the store's parking lot. "5...4...3...2...1..."
